Someone whispered me that they broke up because of all the gossipes … of the other friends of mine.
I called them … asked if it’s true … but even if they denied … i felt … that they enjoyed what they did.
They gossiped a lot.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
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PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
And in one point even pretended that they understand their story … and they need to solve the problems between the couple … but … they were just pretending. Maybe they envy them.
They envy that story … which looked for such a long, long time … as an eternal love story.
The gossip … all those stupid perceptions … fucked in the end … all …
(Adrian Gabriel Dumitru)
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
79
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
I never …
I never did wrong to anybody
Then why it comes to me
I always fail
In first attempt or last ...
It doesn't matter....
(Arij Emaan)
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
80
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
I always ...
I always start with zeal with spunk....
But it always end up with heavy heart....
And I'm too much idiot....
I never stop...
I always start it again with a new bigging ...
(Arij Emaan)
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
81
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
No illusion …
There is no illusion ....I guess I'm
Psycho patient
(Arij Emaan)
I smile reading … her thoughts.
all those perceptions … which are so similar with my own perceptions.
I stoped defining myself.
I am somehow afraid that any new idea … would influence my real life … and i had enough of all those influences .. i am afraid … even of my own perceptions.
I believed life is an illusion … but … i also have moments when i realize that i lost … my minds.
Yes … like a psycho patient.
Contradictory perceptions … are dominating my mind … but also my soul.
And i don’t know what to believe anymore ….
(Adrian Gabriel Dumitru)
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
82
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
The error machine …
Or I'm error machine in the form of human being....
(Arij Emaan)
I made so, so many mistakes over the years … that i finally accepted that i am defined … by errors.
Arij is describing herself as an error machine …. but i believe
that … as always … she is just sending me a message …. for
myself.
Or … maybe the human being could be defined as … an error
machine.
All … of us.
Defined by all those mistakes that we do … while acting on the stage of life.
Maybe … the errors … are part of the routine … Maybe being alive … means experience … errors.
And some of us … are doing that … almost as a hobby.
…. in a conscious or unconscious way.
I am happy today … cause i found the wisdom to define myself as … an error machine in the form of a human being. I see new paths … I need to follow. I dare to … dream about that.
Those days looks like will not come soon, but … i’ll continue my life anyway …. not seeing other real options yet.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
83
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
Truth is … i don’t know to act … at least not yet … into a positive way … on the scene of the real life.
(Adrian Gabriel Dumitru)
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
84
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
Missing …
I also use to miss my old people in
new places ....
Sometimes i want to live in foretime....
or
Want to enjoy new world and everything
with my old companions...
Thier presence make feel better
(Arij Emaan)
I look back in time … and i see happy moments from my past.
But it all happened like … an eternity ago.
maybe into my childhood.
Those moments are gone.
Today … almost everything changed.
So many people … that are not so related with my past … and …
I still feel deep inside myself … the desire to enjoy life.
But those people from past .. totally disappeared.
They made me feel good … in my childhood, at the beginning of my life.
Then the life started … and everything changed.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
85
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
I felt many times …. ruined emotionally.
Maybe i should just close my eyes … one more time … and connect to those moments .. feel that joy … and bring it to the present moment.
and change a little bit my perceptions … about today … and everything related with what i live now.
See the actual characters from the stage of my life … as the ones i saw one hundred years ago … into my childhood. Empower them with the same … positivity i saw at that time.
(Adrian Gabriel Dumitru)
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
86
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
Situations …
There are situations where
no one notice me ....
But I notice everything … means everything … also their …
Ignorance.....
(Arij Emaan)
Yes … i felt that too.
Having this weird dialogue … where you write me …. and i
reply weeks after … i probably prove the same … that i ignored you.
Same as you sometimes … ignored me.
In fact … it’s not that someone ignores someone else … but … it’s more about not being connected to that person. And i feel like … a ghost.
I even start to believe … that i am a ghost.
cause nobody seems to feel my presence. But it’s silly of me to be mad on them.
I just ….
Well … i forgive my real purpose. I am here to … observe the world.
To analyze it into a micro but also … macroscopic way.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
87
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
To understand it.
I should simple ignore … their ignorance.
And find it as a … blessing.
(Adrian Gabriel Dumitru)
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
88
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
Enjoying it …
When ever I awake … I never feel it...
I just enjoy it...
(Arij Emaan)
I had lot of moments when i felt that … i understand life … its meaning … and the reason i am here.
But i did not realized i had short moments of … awakening.
And i hate i could not feel it.
Today i smile … seeing this large spectrum of perceptions i have.
Yesterday i saw the world in one way … today i see it totally different … and most probably tomorrow … i will feel a new direction for my thoughts.
But the positive side of my story … is that i started to enjoy everything related with the process of analyzing the world around myself.
The negative side is probably that … those moments are so … rare.
And … enjoying life … it’s not a process that could be part of my daily routines.
Too bad ….
(Adrian Gabriel Dumitru)
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
89
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
Rotating …
It rotate in a circle of pain and gain....
Happiness and sorrows ... Perception … Illusions, curiosity,
disappointment is part of process....
(Arij Emaan)
Continuing this so called philosophical dance with my dear Arij … i somehow realize that no matter the age, sex … or the location from this world … life is the same for all the humans. But probably it’s all related with … our perceptions …
Our own perceptions … and also the ones of the people from the stage of our lives.
I look again … analyzing everything around myself … and … i see my soul also rotating into a circle of … happiness … unhappiness.
On and on and on.
I do not even know if i should define life as good … or bad.
I see myself spending too much time traveling back and forth … jumping from positive to ugly vibes … spending my life … in this stupid process of being connected to the duality …. which dominates this world.
I even start to be … annoyed … having this type of life … living in a circle.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
90
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
But … duality … dominates us.
Dominates the scenario of our lives, but also our own beings. Even our perceptions … are so contradictory … being dominated by this stupid circle …
I smile …. in front of this illusory life.
I feel like a prisoner … trapped into a prison with invisible walls.
I’d like to stop being and living like that, but i don’t really understand that i should stop chasing for happiness. Happiness is part of this duality of life … and once embraced .. i’ll rotate again into this circle …
A non ending story … having the meaning of ruining me emotionally on and on and on. The way out?!
Well … maybe just trying to get rid of …. the illusion of the
self.
(Adrian Gabriel Dumitru)
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
91
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
No need …
No need to leave me ...
Just be a secret and live in my heart .......
(Arij Emaan)
How many of us don’t have a secret related with a love story from the past?!
But … how many of us had to leave that amazing story
forever?!
And why?!
Why we could not remain a secret and live into the heart of that soulmate?!
Well … love is amazing.
Focusing on that … is just great.
It’s one of the best things we could do into this life.
But this is probably a perception that is considered ok … just for a while.
Cause then we ignore that …. leaving the love story …
We go on the regular paths of life.
We start ignoring those amazing feelings … cause we feel
that we need to keep the right balance also with all the other
aspects from this Universe.
The end is always … so stupid.
We leave the love story.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
92
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
The memory of that … remains as a ghost into our souls ….
but still … it’s useless.
(Adrian Gabriel Dumitru)
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
93
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
Think, feel … or believe …
Truth be told … all we think, feel or believe … it’s just … a perception.
The book “Perceptions … philosophical essays about the illusion of the self” … represents a collections of essays. It’s a weird dialogue between me and my dear friend Arij Emaan … trying to define something that most probably we will never end … defining.
We stoped using the terms like … thoughts, feelings or believes … preferring the term … perceptions. We are not attached of them anymore.
They represent our thinking from the present moment, but we already realized by a long, long time that … it’s a non ending process.
Our perceptions from today are probably in total contradiction with our perceptions from yesterday … and the ones from tomorrow.
But we don’t bother so much about that.
We believe it’s all part of the … process … of being alive … of being here … into this Universe.
So … having kind of a philosophical dance … with so, so many contradictory perceptions …. we have a very, very simple
purpose … to remind the others that … while being here … they have the duty to explore this world. And maybe also … enjoy it.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
94
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
The book itself … has many fragments that define the nonsense … but we kept focusing on the illusion … of all what we see.
So … trying to define the purpose of our philosophical dance
we realize in one point that … same as any other type of dance … that there is no real purpose.
We try to define the whole spectrum … of our thoughts … and accept that we are not what we think, feel or believe … cause anyway tomorrow our perceptions will be totally different.
So … maybe we have just one simple … message.
Try to understand the world … analyzing and defining all … your perceptions.
Continue doing that … on and on and on …
And if you would have the ability to enjoy it … it would be amazing.
(Adrian Gabriel Dumitru)
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
95
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
I’ve became …
I’ve became … a large spectrum of … perceptions.
Unfortunately … contradictory perceptions.
But i accept that … as part of life.
(Adrian Gabriel Dumitru)
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
96
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
Three lives ...
I'm living three lives in one time at the age of 22.....
In my first life … in which I'm 8 year old …. I'm full of
gratitude
I have fullness ....
I'm thrilled .....
I have no fear, no pain,
no disappointments,
Buts a lot expectations on my life
In my second Life , I'm 22 year old ,
I have many more challenges
Here … I'm curious ,
suspected ,
in some terms failure ,
broker,
But I try to do things in their order ....
In my third life, I'm 60 year old ,
I act to be brief ....
I have many more experience theses are both good and bad .
I don't react on my failures ....
I accept things as it is....
I not expect much....
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
97
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
I don't hurt much....
I take things easy ....
I am not much influenced by others ....
I try to understand myself ....
I try to be justice with me …
(Arij Emaan)
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru / Arij Emaan
98
PERCEPTIONS
… philosophical essays about the illusion of the self
Accepting ...
I came to a point … when i accept my perceptions as part of … my being.
The good … but also the bad ones.
But i’m using the trick of playing around with my focus ….
